Lizards vs. Frogs

Happy Memorial Day!

lives lost and farm animals

I've always have had a deep fascination with old photographs that people throw away. It's hard for me to understand why someone would forget about something or someone and throw away images that once meant something to someone.

A few weeks ago when I was in California, I spent some time in two awesome reuse stores that collect items that would otherwise go to land fills to sell to artists and teachers at a minimal cost for reuse.

One had a HUGE bin of old photos and I literally spend two hours going through the photos. I bought a bunch.

Here are some of my favorites:


I love the spots on the photo.


There's something really interesting about this. I think it's the cross and the fact that the church looks like it's in the middle of nowhere.


I love graveyards in latin america. There's something far less bleak and depressing about them that the graveyards I'm used to.



This is by far my favorite. A deer with a picnic basket in October 1961



There are no words for this.


This is one of those photos that make me wonder about the subjects..



Matadors.


Swans.



Turkey Parade.



Still life with roma tomatoes on a 1980s bed sheet. I really wonder the motivation for all of this effort.



It's hard to see in the photo but this is the Eiffel Tower from the Left Bank. Whoever took this probably thought this was a throw away, but I think it's lovely.

i'm going to be the most popular girl..

Teen Witch is basically the best movie ever. Anytime it is on TV, I will watch it.


Also I want to buy this Edwardian swimsuit and wear it as a dress.. when really, it's a swimsuit:

I've been going to therapy for six months now. It's really helped me a lot even though every friday, I dread going and sitting in the waiting room with copies of magazines no one reads like Cat Fancy and trying to decide what to talk about.

Breakthroughs/Insights that I've had:

-I feel like a victim and I continue to feel like a victim of my early life. I feel inadaquate in all aspects of my life because I feel like a failure and inherently bad because of the connections with my mother, even though the entire theme of my life has been to do the oppisite to try to prove that I am not inherently bad. All of this isn't the case but this is essentially the root of why I have the negative feelings I have.

-I'm scared of talking to those I care about important life goals with the people that are most important to me because I am ultimately afraid I will make them unhappy or I will let them down, because the dialog in my head that tells me i'm inherently bad. The same reason as to why I don't like getting close to most people is because I'm afraid either they will find out I'm a horrible person or that they will let me down.

-I've come through the denial and fear about the debt I have. I have decided to declare bankruptcy. Which is not a decision I would have previously made. I am scared of the uncertainty of the future, but for the first time I'm ok with being uncertain about things.

-I've decided that I do not want to be a fashion stylist any longer. As a result, with my work, so much of the pressure is off and I feel like my anxiety is much less than it was, a year ago. I also have a lot less negative dialog in my head when it comes to work and the people I work with. I also feel happier because I don't feel inadaquate and I feel like I will eventually be free to live a richer and fuller life than those people that I work around that don't take time out for themselves or are caught up in super-hyper-materialism and are emotionally bankrupt and insecure otherwise. I'm not sure what I want to do exactly but I'm waiting to be able to afford some work shops and classes so I can explore a bit.

-I have decided and have come to terms with that, I do not want a relationship with my mother until she can get help for herself. I feel used, manipulated, and the more I think about how I grew up and how she and my family was never truly there for me when I needed them most, the angrier and more sad I get. I have checked on her, but I have not spoken to her in over 5 months. I do worry but a lot of my worry and anxiety is gone because she's not in my life.

I'm a lot happier than I was six months ago even though right now, my future seems bleak. I haven't been shopping nearly as much and my moods are much more level than they used to be.

So I've been helping a friend of mine resource stuff for their wedding.

They've only been offically engaged a week but I have a lot of random ideas and resources to get stuff on the cheap thanks to my job.

The amount of money they have to spend isn't really a lot. It scares me and makes me think it's wasteful, the idea of even throwing that much money away on one day. The reality to me is also depressing because I haven't had that one day that's all mine, I tested out of high school, I never went to a graduation ceremony for college so I kind of do want a wedding someday but I don't have any family to help, I don't want to spend a ton of money on it or putting so much energy into it that I'm not thinking about afterward or the long term. That, and I don't want it to be lame.

So, I really think I ever go through this, I totally want to have a Wedding/Halloween Party. I'm not talking about keeping it classy because that's when it gets corny.

I'm talking super tacky, awesome fun Halloween wedding. Because how ridiculous and amazing would it be to ask your wedding party to dress as zombies??? Everyone is pretty much gaurenteed to have a good time too and if planned in advance and with a lot of creativity, can probably be done really cheaply.

I started to look around at this because I was just curious how much people drop on stuff like this and I found these:







Dia Del Los Muertos WEDDING TOPPERS

I love California!

California is awesome!

-Yesterday Sean and I went to Banjo Night and to Thrifttown!
-Today I went to go get a hot dog at a famous hot dog place down the street from Sean in Oakland on Telegraph.
-Afterward I started walking toward BART and instead found a awesome home shop with cheap antiques, a cafe with out door seating on ironing boards, and a hippie book store! I found a book on a counsel of 13 grandmothers from all over the world which is pretty awesome!

-I went to a thrift store and then stumbled upon to the East Bay Depot for Reuse store. Which is basically a junk store that save things from going into the trash and makes them available to artists and teachers super cheap.

-Sean and I went to Niles to go to all the awesome antique shops and I wanted to buy EVERYTHING.

-We went on a couple of drives on backroads through the hills and then went to get sushi and drank a bottle of sake.


Now we're on our way to cardboard car races through a gallery in West Oakland. Totally awesome!


For those who didn't see the Susan Boyle video, you're living under a rock. I've watched it like 3 times and I've cried like every time..

I don't really have much to say. I've been sick the last few days.

I've been dancing around my apartment to Matthew Sweet. I think I'm dating myself there. It reminds me of when Lizz lived in CA.

The carrots I've been growing on my windowsill are almost camera ready I just don't have charged batteries.

Instead, I'll leave you with this little gem: