Choose Your Own Adventure

I feel like some things are at a crossroads for me.
I've decided if things do not go well, I'm not going to renew the lease on my apartment. I'll put all my stuff in storage and leave my babies with someone else for safe keeping.

I will have taken my national boards by then and I will apply for a job with Stiener. I'll go work in the Mediterranean making crappy money for 9 months but will have a lot of experience.

I will come back and go to Esalen for a month or two and by then I'll have decided what I'm doing.

Maybe I'll move to Hawaii. I've been told I could do quite well there just by the virtue of the education I will have. Or maybe California.

Or maybe I'll just come back here and go to acupuncture school and cross my fingers I can pay those student loans.

If things do not work out though, I'm not going to feel sorry for myself. I'll go on an adventure.

Existentialism.

For many reasons I feel like I'm waiting for a new chapter of my life to start.
I'm making some progress but it's not enough. I'm getting restless and bored.

I want to formulate grand schemes. I want to leave New York from some yet to be determined location. I want to be more responsible about everything. I want a simpler way. I want to be near the water. I want a dog. I want to write. I want to make things. I want to create something larger than myself. I want to heal and be healed. I want to be free.

I feel like I'm waiting for this big thing to happen and I'm not sure what that big thing is.
Good or bad, I just want whatever-that-big-thing-is to hurry up and get here already. It's eating me up alive.